She Chose Me.

My almost 2 year old is very smart for her age.  Now, I know a lot of you have heard me say that quite a bit and may think I'm annoying or shouldn't say it so much but I'm sorry.  From a parent to a parent, I take pride in my child and I don't feel ashamed for it.  I also don't say it even in a context or situation to have it come across as me thinking I'm a better parent or she is a better child then whomever.  She literally was born in her own awesomeness. :)

So again I say, my daughter is VERY smart for her age.  One thing in particular that I want to focus on is her memory.  It's also part of the stage she is in to mimic what Justin and I say, and really what anyone says or does around her, but she remembers EVERYTHING.

**PARENT CONFESSION**

This is something that is hard to admit.  I hate that I am even writing this.  However, my very smart child has just taught me a very loving and humbling message that I need to share and part of sharing it is me confessing... So.. 

My confession is that I have spanked Zoey's bum before, and when she gets a little sassy with her mouth I have tapped her mouth. IT'S OUT! Judge me how you may. Some of you may think that is horrible and others may think that it's not tough enough.  You are your our child's parent, I know it's your choice. The end. (This is in no way meant to offend or shame parents who choose to use spanking or any other similar form. Your child=your choice.)

It happened today.  Zoey was supposed to be asleep and we did our reading, singing, and other things we do before a nap and I put her in her crib.  Today was one of those days where she did not want to take her nap as I'm sure all of you other parents have been there.  She was mad.  m-a-d- MAD!  She was screaming at the top of her lungs and just kept screaming.  Those moments are hard for me always because her scream is so high pitched and piercing to listen to.  I typically feel like a failure in those moments as well.  So after letting her cry it out for a bit and it wasn't working, I went in and asked her to lay down and remember that its time for her nap and that mommy would be here when she woke up to play with her.  This worked to calm her down until I walked out the door.  I let her cry it out and again she screamed.  So after 10 mins of her piercing loud scream, I went in and popped her in her mouth to "remind" her that screaming like that is something that isn't done inside and that it was time for her nap. --- somehow later she fell asleep.

Later this evening when I was dreading bedtime because of how bad I felt about nap time, and how much I didn't want to go through the screaming again.  We did our routine and during our prayer I started crying when I said, "Please bless Zoey to know how much mommy and daddy love her."

How confusing is that.  Seriously though. Let me explain:: I'm praying for Zoey to know that I love her, when my actions are clearly showing the opposite.  I teach her not to hit the people that she loves and cares about but I hit her if she is disobeying? After my prayer, through my tears I tried to explain the best I could to my almost 2 year old how sorry mommy was and that I never want her to feel like I don't love her and on and on for about 3 mins of full pleading for forgiveness and tears.  My little child just sat and listened to me.  She let me cry on her shoulder.  She looked at me and said, "I'm sorry mommy. I love you a much mommy."  You can imagine my full heart as I stared into her loving eyes.

As our few moments passed on she asked me to sing "I Am A Child of God."  I started singing it to her.

The lines, "Has given me and earthly home with parents kind a dear" was something I wasn't prepared to emotionally handle at that time.  My child was given the opportunity to come to earth and for me to be her mom and she accepted it.  She chose me. How thankful I am for that. She chose me to love her, teach her, guide her.  She must have felt I was the one best suited for being her mom.  I am completely grateful.

As the song continues like most of you know, "Lead me, guide me, walk beside me, help me find the way. Teach me all what I must do, to live with Him (Heavenly Father) someday."

I imagined my little girl in her crib earlier today screaming for whatever reason, me walking in there and popping her on the mouth and her pleading for me to lead her, guide her, walk beside her. (I say this only because my daughter typically acts out like this when she needs some love and attention and I clearly wasn't giving her enough.)  She chose me to help her find the way so that she can return to Him someday. I was immediately taught multiple and great lessons today, especially in that moment.  One was that I am also a child of God and as such, I should be teaching my daughter the ways of Him.  Not by spanking or tapping her mouth. 

I have such a loving, forgiving and compassionate 2 year old that has the most Christ like love I have ever see any other human being ever posses and SHE CHOSE ME. It's me. I'm it or whatever.  I know I can and I will do better. I deserve to do better for myself, and her especially.

Happy New Year!!

2014 is gone...

So much to be thankful for and good memories to remember for a lifetime.

2014:

I turned 22

Zoey turned 1

Moved homes

Justin turned 24

Justin got a new job on his BD

I quit my job

I started school back up

Zoey's favorite Aunt Dani and Uncle Jared moved away

Zoey became obsessed with anything Frozen and Olaf

I found out I was having another baby

Went to Vegas for a weekend with the Wenn's

Had fires and wii nights with friends during the summer
Zoey's new favorites, Zach and Whitney moved to Cedar

Moved the second time

Found out of baby is a boy

Zoey started to got o Nursery with her favorites, the Scotts

Bought a new car to fit our growing family

Flintstones for Halloween

Thanksgiving with the Jensen's

Christmas at home and at the Hansen's

Ended the year with new friends, a growing family, organizing my house from top to bottom, (no junk drawers or boxes...NONE-zero) and much appreciation for all the 2014 has brought us but we are excited to see what 2015 has in store.

Here is an update on us:: incase you are interested.

Justin works at Western Quality Foods here in town full time.  The dairy cartons you buy at the store, he runs the machine that presses, folds, fills and seals that product to be shipped to your local grocery store.  I guess what I should say is, "You're welcome." ;)

Justin is also still going to school full time but we are happy to announce that he will graduate at the end of this semester with his Bachelors in Exercise science and will take his GRE this spring as well and them he will start applying to Graduate Programs.  So far schools that have shown interest in him are schools in New Mexico, Texas, Utah and Washington.  We aren't super picky as to where we would like to live but ideally we'd like to move closer to our family somewhere in or around Utah County. We've been gone and missed a lot and so we'd like to be around a little more with more cousins for Zoey on both sides of the family.

After he graduates this spring he will take his last and final class over the summer and then while he apples and interviews, we will be in Cedar for another year to work and just get to have our daddy around more.

JU is currently in the Elders quorum presidency and luckily that doesn't take up not much of his "free" time but it gives us a whole lot of blessings and for that I'm grateful and that gives our family the strength we need during our hard times. 

I am just busy being a momma and I'm due the end of THIS month. JANUARY is here and our little boy is coming.  I am ready to not be pregnant, see my baby boy and have both my kids here in my arms and just love them.

While that is all happening, I'm also going to school full time.  I'm getting my online degree in Accounting and I will be done around the end of this year.  Can't wait but I'm so close to finishing! Happy thoughts, prayers of strength and patients and dedication will be much needed with a little one and Zoey at home with me.

I was just released as a Young Women counselor due to our baby almost being here and it's a bitter sweet.  I will greatly miss my girls, especially my past and current beehives, but having one less thing to plan, organize and juggle will help this month greatly.  Who knows what my calling will be next!

Zoey will be 2 in April which is crazy! She is chatty and will have a whole conversation with you as long as you stay to her favorite topics of the moon, her babies, the last "ouchie" she got or her love of turning the humidifier on and off each day for mom. She has a lot to say she does and I really love how well she can communicate with me because it's less of a guessing game with her now.  She loves playing with her play kitchen, taking bathes, Winnie the Pooh, outside, jumping, dancing, running in circles in the house and she LOVES "Shake It Off" by the one and only Taylor Swift.  She sure knows how to shake it.  She is all about love and compassion and playing with her friends and she has no idea that the "baby" in moms tummy will very soon be her brother and I pray that we all can adjust as well as possible given our situation.

This little guys name has been decided as Jett with two t's obviously ;)  So far, I think he will be way more mellow then my little miss is.  He doesn't move unless he has to, he kicks as many times as the doctors like babies to, to know that they are doing great and then he's done for the day.  We are so blessed and excited to have a son and of course we have packer gear for him already thanks to his dad.  Just like any mom, I just want him happy and healthy but we like to play the guessing game as to what he will look like in terms of hair/skin/eye color and if he'll look more like a Hansen since Zoey was clearly born looking everything like her Dad. ;)

To all my fellow moms out there with two kids and having a husband/father who will be absent a lot due to school/work/church responsibilities, do you have any advice?  Share you knowledge, quotes, anything that you think will be a great positive for me to hear in times of struggle when Daddy is not able to be home at the moment.

We love you all and are so glad to have amazing family and friends who love and support us.  We hope your 2015 can be nothing but the best for each of you. We have loved having you apart of our 2014 year! Stay with us for 2015, would ya?

Love,

Justin, Lindsey, Zoey & Jett