Return Back, Home Will Always Be Waiting For You

After church, Zoey and I were heading home.  I felt like I had just gave the worst lesson possible because I didn't plan enough to cover the whole time, my Young Women were so distracted with Zoey and she was teething and didn't want anyone... it was pretty tough.  I think it was an over load day for me because I started feeling very down on myself and so I decided I wanted to go up the canyon for a scenic drive.  Zoey and I drove up the canyon and my mind just wandered.  I thought about the beautiful changing leaves, I thought about Zoey and her teething, I thought about how I need to do better at preparing my lessons, and I thought a lot about forgiveness, and forgiving my self and I thought about my life thus far. My mind wandered and I just cried.

When I just passed the sign for Cedar Breaks my gas light came on.  I don't know why but I freaked out.  It normally wouldn't be a problem because our gas light comes on quite early so I had a good couple miles to go and getting out of the canyon is down hill so little gas was required to leave.  With my thoughts turing to a panic, I decided I really needed to turn around.  I was very stern about it too. It was a single lane road and there was a double line so I couldn't turn around, I legally had to keep going. The feeling continued to push and persist in my mind that I needed to turn around.  I looked forward and back multiple times to make sure no one was there and that no one would soon be coming.  I then made the choice to break the law.  I flipped around and crossed that double yellow line and just as I started headed back south, a car was coming up.  I was glad no one had seen me.  

I then had some of the most beautiful thoughts come over me as I drove back.  As I'm sitting here now writing this, I feel the spirit, again, fill my soul with peace, love and comfort. It was crazy how these thoughts came rushing into my mind and they all seemed to connect dots and match up and I felt so inspired and uplifted. I thought about how the experience I had relates to our life here on earth. Back in the valley of Cedar City was the world, and my beautiful destination of Cedar Breaks to view the beautiful changing leaves was my Celestial Kingdom where I would get to see Heavenly Father.

I was having a really bad, overwhelming day.  I wanted to run away.  I wanted to run away to be with my Father and be with him in Heaven.  I thought about how beautiful it would been and how wonderful I would be to be able to be at His feet when I got there.  However, the feeling inside of me, telling me to turn was because I wasn't ready.  I wasn't ready to be there yet to experience His glory.  I had to finish my time here on earth and go back and fight and live each and every day until my time was up.  My Heavenly Father knew that If I were to make it to the top, I wouldn't want to come back.  I don't think anyone would want to come back after being embraced by our Heavenly Parents.  But because it is so important for me to be here, on earth to finish out my journey I didn't get to go.

What I then began to realize is that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ won't ever let me not experience the joy of being in their presence and that is why we get amazing, beautiful glimpses here on earth. It's to remind me of where I have been and where I want to end up.  I listed off some of these things that I have experienced in my life, but the one that struck me the most was that Heavenly Father gave me my Zoey.  I get to look at her each and every day and know that she is a precious gift from God and that she still has the ability to see through the veil and to see and know that Heavenly Father is still there.  She is my precious gift.  She is why I can't leave.  I have to stay because of her.  Because she needs me each and every day of her life, just like I need her and I especially need her to be that gateway to receive those glimpses of my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I believe so much that she is and always will be my "portal" to Them to encourage me when times get tough and to bless me when I feel I've had enough.

As I reached the bottom of the canyon road and hit the light the tears immediately stopped.  I had experienced a wonderful gift and blessing and I am now able to share this with those who read it.  I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ for allowing me to experience such joy and helping me realize that the joy that I experienced can always be felt with my family. My wonderful Husband and my beautiful baby girl.

Families truly are the center of my faith and God's church.  How blessed and grateful I feel because I have them.  Now and forever.  This Family is Forever!

Love, us